By J.A.
People need their attitudes changed. 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with autism today and it’s probably more prevalent than that. That means that there are lots of autistics in the world and whether or not everyone likes it, that isn’t going to change. If they were all dismissed as problems, then there wouldn’t be any Einsteins, Mozarts, Beethovens, etc. Where would the rest of the world be without these people? Who gives people the right to judge? I am not going to waste my energy on people who discriminate against my child because it’s unproductive. My job is to protect my child at all costs. That includes protecting him from those people who don’t know anything about autism and don’t know anything about my child. He has gotten this far but we still have a long way to go.
One of the greatest obstacles that I’ve encountered in this journey is that the greater public knows very little about autism. With statistics of 1 in 150, there are many autistic children in this country but it’s usually a family secret. Nick is no exception. However, this can be a double edged sword. Society can be very cruel to a child who is labeled and even more so to those who are labeled autistic. When Nick was admitted to kindergarten in a private school, we had only notified the principal of his disability, no one else. She was very supportive and extremely open to having him participate in the classroom as a regular student. We also had a skills trainer assist Nick in the classroom during these transition months so that he could have time to adapt and become accustomed to his new surroundings and his new friends. In his class there were more boys than girls and given that the teachers were slightly inexperienced with working with so many boys, Nick fit right in with the other children and the accompanying chaos. For almost 2 months, there weren’t any concerns regarding Nick until one of the teachers broke confidentiality and told another parent that Nick was autistic. Then all of a sudden, ALL of the problems in the classroom were automatically attributed to Nick. Things that weren’t an issue were suddenly blown out of proportion.
In one instance, the parents of a 7 year-old child were having many domestic issues with their own child. They turned a blind eye and did not want to directly deal with their own child. They then attempted to divert attention from their child’s behaviors onto Nick. Being unable to stand up for himself, Nick was blamed for things that were not his fault. Even some of the students and teacher’s aides told me this. No matter how much I complained to the assistant principal, she did nothing.
These parents even went as far as trying to rally all of the parents to have my child removed from the kindergarten class. I was appalled at how these people were. Fear is a strong and motivating emotion. These parents did not know Nick and they did not know anything about autism. They just wanted to have the school focus their attention on Nick so that there would be no attention on their own child’s issues. Initially, the teachers were even quick to blame Nick for things that I knew he could never have done. Ironically, many people have commented that they never would have thought that Nick was the autistic child in that classroom.
In light of this terrible experience, these adults hardly acted like adults. Fortunately for me, Miss Jen was there to assist Nick through this rough time. She explained the different facets of autism to the parents and the assistant principal. This helped to alleviate most of the anxiety that people were experiencing, however displaced it was. In the end, these parents continued their attempts to divert attention from their own child and onto Nick. Hopefully, this charade will extinguish itself as time goes on.
The greatest irony of this episode was that Nick’s kindergarten glass was at a Catholic School. If a religious school cannot teach tolerance and compassion, the very principles under which Catholicism is based, then where is the hope? How can such hypocrisy exist? I was truly angered by this example of open and blatant discrimination. Labeled children are subject to discrimination, disdain, shame, failure, and hypocrisy. They were no better than the DOE.
After all of the problems that I experienced with the DOE in trying to get Nick into a school that is most suited for his needs, there is nothing that could have prepared me for this kind of discrimination in the private sector from adults shown towards a 5 year old child. It is one of the most depressing experiences that I could ever have encountered. Every morning I would happily bring in my son but I would not address anyone unless they addressed me first. I felt alone, embarrassed and angry that a teacher would do such a stupid thing as revealing something so personal to people who have no business knowing about Nick. My only goal was to make sure that my son was happy in his kindergarten class since he loved going to school so much.
Two months later, I believe the “hysteria” calmed down somewhat. The teachers have been outwardly supportive and made efforts to help Nick and the rest of the class to adapt. Nick did not pose as a behavior problem any more than any of the other children in the class and yet, people will place the blame on Nick first because of his autism. That is the reason why I do not want my child labeled. I do not want people, whether it is his teachers, his classmates or just people in general to use Nick as their “scapegoat.” I do not want people to use Nick’s autism as an excuse to lower their expectations of him. I want people to treat him fairly and equally as if he was just another child, because, he IS just another child.
He has differences that we as a society need to accept just as we would for any other person who does not carry around a “label.” Presently, Nick is in a kindergarten class that he likes. He enjoys playing in the fields; he enjoys the natural surroundings including the trees and stream. He enjoys learning. All he needed was a chance to be himself. He is becoming more and more independent and confident. Even his behavior has become almost a non-issue. I am so proud of my son because he has been through so much in the past 5 years and yet he manages to smile, laugh and be happy. Perhaps I have been overprotective but then again, a child’s years should only be happy years. In that sense, I believe I have done my job.
I love my son so much that I cannot explain it. He has brought so much joy into my life.
A good friend told me that “things always happen for a reason and that there are some things that are just meant to be”. What we choose to do about these things will affect our children’s future in this lifetime. I suppose that Nick and I were meant to be together and perhaps our being together was supposed to help affect change for a greater good. Who knows? Only time will tell. For now, I am only concerned about Nick’s immediate needs. Whatever else happens along the way will only be icing on the cake. As my friend always aptly put it “it’s all good.”
In general, people need to stop living in a bubble. These days, people are so consumed with themselves that they hardly know what’s happening around them and in their world. Autism is real and the impact that these children will make in society will be greater than any of us can ever imagine. I know Nick will make his contribution some day and I only hope that I will still be alive to witness his achievement.
The most influential person on Nick’s life was Ms. Dustow. She worked with him for about 3 years. During those years, she taught me many things about my child and what he needed. She explained that children with autism, even though they have behavioral issues and may act as though they were mentally challenged, in fact we, the non-autistics were the ones who were mentally challenged. Most if not all children who have been diagnosed as autistic have far greater intelligence than we know or give them credit for. They are clever enough to take advantage of OUR arrogance. I, like many others believe that these children have a greater purpose in this lifetime. They are here on this earth for a reason and we are supposed to learn from them rather than them learning from us. Granted, they need to learn how to adapt to our ways first before having the impact that they are intended to have on our lives. And being the stubborn children that they are, they will continue to resist. Similarly, the more resistance we put up, the harder it will be for us to “grow.” It’s just a matter of giving them the respect and dignity that they deserve. Until that time, we will all continue to be in limbo.
TAPOSITIVELY 