By J.A.
There were about 15 people at this meeting, including administrators from the school, the assessors, in addition to people from the DOE who had no business being there. It was obvious that the decision to not qualify my child was made in advance. After debating for 3 hours or so, the principal sat there and stated that he did not believe that there was enough evidence to show that my child had autism. He even asked everyone to go around the room and give their opinion.
There was a social worker from the DOE who should not have even been there in the first place but when he asked her for an opinion, she said, “I don’t know Nick and I have never met him, but I think from what has been said here, he is not autistic but developmentally delayed.” I could not believe my ears. I don’t even know if she realized how stupid she sounded. Not only did the DOE’s own psychological assessment stated that he had autism, the additional assessments that I had brought stated that he had autism, the EIS psychologist at the meeting stated that he had autism. Yet the principal stated that he was not convinced and subtly reminded all of the other DOE members of this fact as well.
Ironically, the principal had to leave the meeting early for an interview. One of the DOE’s Preschool Resource Teachers ran after him in the hallway and when she came back in to the conference room she purposefully announced for all others in the room to hear, “We can decide among ourselves of Nick’s eligibility.” Miraculously, that was the sign that they all needed. Nick was determined eligible for special education services and we concluded the meeting in 20 minutes! Many people felt that the decision was predetermined. That was the most ridiculous meeting I had ever participated in.
After the meeting, I was exhausted. I felt relieved and at the same time I was pissed because it was obvious to all who attended the meeting that the decision was made in advance regardless of any assessments. Being a parent against the massive power of the DOE, we just don’t have enough strength in numbers to really make a difference. We are all spread too thinly and we hide behind the veil of “confidentiality” however, I think a lot of parents just don’t have enough guts to stand up for what they believe because of the fear of retaliation or social stigma. Perhaps it is the plantation mentality where we are supposed to accept what we receive and be thankful.
However, should we accept these tiny tokens at the cost of our children’s lives and future? I was educated on the East Coast. I spent a lot of time in New York City and Boston. In those places, if you let people step all over you, they will. You will remain at the bottom until you do something about it. I suppose here, most people are content at being at the bottom. But I am not.
When I was pregnant, I had a corneal pregnancy which is a form of ectopic pregnancy with less than a one percent chance of going full term. In a plea of desperation, I had made a “deal” with the universe, I suppose. During this time, I begged the Greater Beings to allow me to have my baby. In return I would do everything and anything for him. Little did I know what this meant for me at the time but I eventually realized that I had big challenges ahead.
As a result, I had my beautiful son and that was my promise to him before he was born. I am bound by this promise until I know he can be out there in this great big world all by himself. I won’t live forever and therefore, my job is to do as much as I can for him while I am alive. That is the reason why I was so passionate about getting my son what he needed.
I am not a greedy person. However, when the DOE is required by law to provide services to my child, then they’d better do it. During my college years, I was very shy and introverted. I always followed the norm. In my 30’s I began to dislike conforming. Asians historically have followed the norm without making waves about anything even if it was unfair. I don’t know at what point in time when this bubble began to get bigger and bigger. However, I do know that after that first IEP meeting that bubble exploded. I couldn’t believe how I was actually facing these people and standing firm in what I wanted.
I can tell you one thing, knowledge is truly power and the fact that I knew the law fairly well, was coached well, and that I came prepared with a strategy, really helped me to strongly speak about what I believed my child deserved. After all, I made him a promise before he was born. I knew how important these services were to him at this crucial time in his young life and I wasn’t going to let a few ignorant, self-serving people prevent me from getting my son what he needed. I grew in confidence and knowledge with each meeting.
Ever since that first eligibility meeting, the subsequent IEP meetings have been similar. The DOE denies making their decision in advance of the meeting but during the conversations, it is obvious that making a decision in advance is exactly what was done especially since they are adamant on their position without any logical merit or reasoning. By doing that, it reduces their chances of being outsmarted by savvy parents.
I read IDEA and I understood most of my rights. Also, I knew what was right and what was wrong. I usually gathered up advice and information from parent groups and other people who had already been through the experience and I used it to my advantage. In return, I tried to assist others who needed help as well. I made sure I went into an IEP meeting well prepared with all of my comments typed up, all of my documents in order and basically all of my concerns ready to go. They all knew how I worked and therefore, they really shouldn’t have been surprised.
After 4 IEP meetings in 2005, I decided that I had had enough of these games with the DOE. I filed for due process. I had so much anxiety that I actually felt sick and nauseous the night before the hearing began. Nevertheless, I knew that I had no choice and that if I didn’t do it for Nick, then no one would. After 5 days of hearing, and another month waiting for the decision, we won placement in a private school with DOE services. That was such a stroke of luck given that it was difficult to prove many of the issues that we were claiming.
Since that time, we filed another due process for the school year 2006-2007. The DOE ended up settling that case with us. We also filed for due process again for 2007-2008 school year and that case also ended in our favor.
In the past three and a half years and 12 IEP meetings later, as of August 2007, Nick had had 6 medical assessments, 17 additional independent assessments and 14 DOE assessments including observations. All collectively show that he needed services. However, even at this writing, the DOE continued to avoid all of its responsibilities to my child. During this past school year 2006-2007, the DOE’s contracted providers did not provide the services that it was contracted to provide to my son. For about 11 months, my child did not the receive services that he needed despite a valid and current IEP. Although I made the school aware of the numerous instances of the non provision of services, the school decided to ignore all that has happened in the past year, brushed their hands of all concerns and basically told me in an indirect way that the “lines have been drawn.” It will be decided at the due process hearing. To make matters worse, when we filed for due process, we should have received Stay put. This is a continuation of the existing services in the interim up until the hearing was heard. Nevertheless, the heartless DOE cut my child’s services upon the recommendation of the Attorney General’s office. I was forced to hire an outside agency to provide some services to my child until our December hearing. Obviously, the DOE doesn’t care about anything except on how to get back at the parents. The DOE does not care about any one’s child. All it cares about is our tax dollars and how much they can frivolously spend every year.
Despite all of this adversity and retaliation from the DOE, I will continue to move forward. My child continues to make progress every day. I believe that if I had placed my child into the DOE system, he probably would have been in special education for his entire 18 years. That would have been more tragic than anything I could ever have imagined.
TAPOSITIVELY 